United Week

It's usually the longest week of the year. I don't sleep well anyway, but this one is even worse. Because I know the torture chamber that's coming on Saturday morning. By the time the match actually kicks off, I'll have played it out in my head several hundred times. I'll have looked at it from every position on the field, hoping to find that one thing I know for sure will win Liverpool the match.

I spend the week dreading the two hour violent shaking that will happen when I watch on Saturday. That's right, I shake. I know it's stupid, and nothing like a football match should do that to you. But I do. Lots of Liverpool matches I can watch on the couch in relaxed position. For the first 70 minutes I'll be pitched forward, with the least amount of ass connecting to the couch required to maintain a sitting position. For the last 20, if not more, I'll be standing in front of the couch. That's right, a dumbass alone in his apartment, standing, watching TV. That's me. That's what United matches do to me. I'm sure I can't be alone in this.

Anyway, there'll be the usual build up this week, with Sir Ferg offering up some bullshit withering attack disguised as praise for the club, and Kenny probably just laughing it off. Wayne Rooney will say something stupid, and then there'll be  a plea for the Kop faithful to not come up with some song about his dad -- though I think it's probably fair game seeing as how it's an arrest and not a sickness or something that one had no control over. And then Gary Neville will talk some shit (though his TV work from what I've seen is shockingly competent).

We'll have our own preview this week, as well as a Q&A with the guys from SB's United blog, The Busby Babe. I'm sure that will be real adult, seeing as how I can be counted on to act so mature in these situations. But still, worth doing.

-Not much Liverpool news this week. Everyone came out of the internationals on Friday healthy, and we only have Tuesday to get through. Pepe Reina revealed that the Statler and Waldorf blocked his move to Arsenal, which may be the only thing they got right in their last two years of ownership. Jordan Henderson isn't worried about his place in the team, but he probably should be. And Charlie Adam gets to watch Spain totally bypass him on Tuesday to knock Scotland out of Euro 2012. That could be high comedy right there.