Set Pieces: Stew Downing's Envelopes, Phil Coutinho's Nickname, and Gooner Hypocrisy

Clive Brunskill

Honesty is always the best policy. Sometimes. So, with that in mind, I'd like to issue a quick disclaimer and advise those looking for a full-on article that kow-tows to trivial, high-brow concepts such as grammar, syntax, and coherence to look elsewhere. The following is merely a motley assortment of half-baked observations and heavily biased assertions that you should feel free to disagree with so long as you acknowledge your own mental ineptitude.

-What the hell happened with the broadcasts of Liverpool's pre-season tour? If the Mars Rover can beam perfect images through outer-f*****-space, presumably we can get more than a flipbook from the South Pacific.

-Andre Wisdom's long-term future is at center back, Brendan Rodgers told us so.

-Martin Kelly's long-term future is at center back, every muscle and ligament in his body is screaming at us so.

-Liverpool should look into acquiring both a right and left back if the club wants to party on the continent next year.

-Brendan Rodgers didn't have his teeth bleached, he got ivory implants. And I dig'em.

-How long did it take Stew Downing to figure out his name was in one of the envelopes last year?

-Will Rodgers make a new envelope for Downing this year or just recycle the old one?

-Daniel Agger should and will be vice captain.

-I love Kolo Toure as third choice center back and I don't care who knows it.

-I hate Kolo Toure as first choice center back and I don't care who knows it.

-I know it won't last forever, but David Moyes striking out on his transfer targets brings me immense pleasure.

-The best manager in Manchester now wears baby blue. Oil money has made this moment less triumphant than I had anticipated.

-Someone needs to acquire compromising photos of Brendan Rodgers and immediately deliver them to Jordan Henderson.

-What are the rules for supporting Reina/Benitez at Napoli after the Europa League Ultra violence a couple years back?

-A quick question for Evertonians, what are your thoughts on hiring a manager from a relegated club?

-Nah I'm just kidding. Martinez is great (behind a microphone) and Alcaraz and Kone are clever signings. What type of soup did they come with?

-Philippe Coutinho deserves a solid nickname. Suggestion box is open for business.

-The biggest threat to Liverpool's season: Aspas and Suarez learning Boo-Ray.

-Finally, a sincere bravo to Arsenal supporters who, over the course of the last few weeks, have taken the word "hypocritical" to breathtaking new heights*. You're not going to get Suarez, Carl Jenkinson still looks like Todd Cleary, and I look forward to Liverpool finishing above you in the table this season #WojciechSzczesny.

Adieu.

*(props to maninblack for the find)

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